Let the Cravings Begin!

I am craving a gyro from Pete's Kitchen. This is annoying because I'm pretty sure I'm not really craving Pete's, I'm just having a junk-food withdrawl. Earlier this morning I was talking with Maria about how Krispy Kreme donuts are only awesome in areas with cold weather (not Southern California). As we were having this discussion... all of a sudden I just neeeeeded a donut. Of course I immediately started looking for ways to get one that it wouldn't count as dining out. At one point I even thought to myself: "I can have a donut, if I buy it from the grocery store (as opposed to a winchells shop) along with other groceries and I don't eat it right away... if I give it a waiting period of like a day...and then ate it ...it wouldn't be fast food or dining out then, right?"

I was trying to find a loophole so I could have what I wanted, even thought I knew it wouldn't be in the spirit of what i'm trying to do. Not to say thast delights are bad... but in this case, it's just substitution. I may be fixing the food but not (One of my many bad habits) the instant gratification through food.

You see, this is a problem I have that I generally don't acknowledge. I just made breakfast an hour ago. I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry for Petes, I don't NEED a donut, I wasn't planning to meet anyone there....I just wanted something tasty. But why? I mean, I like good food and all, but that's why I fry eggs every morning in a gloriously greasy cast iron pan. I am not hungry ...really I'm eating for entertainment or sheer pleasure. This is a habitIi largely ignore but need to break... eating JUST for fun. I'm not saying that eating shouldn't be pleasurable but I should eat (food I like) when I'm hungry.

Yesterday I felt the need for something sweet ...this is where it gets embarrassing and a little disturbing. I found myself rummaging through my baking cupboard looking for chocolate chips. Instead I found a box of semi sweetened chocolate bars I had intended to use for a chocolate pecan pie in December. I did a little happy dance in my kitchen and skipped off with the box. I had three of the eight servings of chocolate in one sitting. Each serving is litterally 2/3 of a hershey bar I had two full chocolate bars worth of chocolate in about 15 minutes.

Now, you might be asking yourself "its not fast food or dining out... whats the problem?" The problem is a clear lack of self control on my part. Maria wrote a blog with a similar experience a few days ago. I recommend it. But (at risk of plagerizing her) I agree with her.... What I did, didn't break my lenten promise, it simply missed the point. The purpose of this practice is to turn an unexamined or negative process into something progressive or positive and to turn to God and suffer along with Jesus in the meantime. ...But that is not what I did, In the absence of what I really wanted (to just eat some quick and tasty for entertainment) I found a similar and equally destructive and unfulfilling thing to fill the empty space that existed in the absence of my usual behavior.

I should've been turning toward God, but instead turned toward ...semisweet baking chocolate to make me feel better. But lent is not about exchanging one vice or indulgence for another... It is about recognizing how you feel in the absence of something you would usually do... recognize the difficulty and whats happening, and to turn to God for strength, help and inspiration for more productive alternatives.

I can't promise I wont do this again.... But now I am aware of it. And to be aware is a step in the right direction... last year I said I wanted to focus on the spiritual aspect of lent in 2010. Im not there yet, but I think I'm onto something here.

Peace, mercy, and strength in God

-John

Family Home Evening

Last night I hosted my first family home evening. As I mentioned in an earlier blog Much of my dining habits (and money spending habits in general) have to do with doing things one has to pay for simply to socialize with friends. I love socializing with my friends but now that I have resolved not to go to bars or dine out during lent, Mohammed can no longer come to the mountain so instead mohammed brought the mountain to his living room.

This idea came to me a few weeks ago while engaging in Catherine and mine's usual mid-week ritual of cheap drafts and pizza at The Atomic Cowboy on Colfax. We usually go there somewhere in the middle of the week and catch up while eating gigantic slices of NY style pizza and $2.00 PBR's all while playing one of their many board games (Ususally connect four, but lately i have been on a big SORRY kick.... no idea why). as a nigh out goes it's pretty sheap we usually get out of there for around $10-12 per person. I love going there to catch up with friends... but I could just as easily do the exact same thing at home, for less money, and still have just as much fun. Again, why do I feel the need to spend money, just to spend time with people? especially when it's something i could do at home? Not that going out is bad, just that that's about the only time i see people. and when that's the only time you see your friends.... it's like paying to have friends, or having to pay to spend time with them. I AM morally opposed to this idea. so FHE is an intentional effort to offset this trend in my life.

My lenten promise is not simply about food..... but also focusing on my relationships with the people around me.... and this is one way in which I am doing that. I use going out as a crutch for seeing those who are important to me far too often, I would like to fix that.

Family Home Evening or FHE: Is an "ancient" Mormon ritual (often practiced on a Monday night) where the whole family stays home and intentionally spends time doing something together as a family (often a boardgame). Examples of FHE are depicted in the last two (hilarious) pictures above. As cliche as I find certain things about FHE, I THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!!!

When I first mentioned this family home evening idea to my friends, I got a lot of positive feedback, people were really receptive to the idea. I mean, who wouldn't like a cheap night at home with your friends drinking micro brews and playing the Wii or a vintage board or video game, it's a recipe for fun! However having not totally planned ahead, notice was pontificated on fat tuesday, and then actually sent out this friday. With the short notice, Catherine was the only one other than Maria and myself who could make it this week, but excitement was in the air.

We started with a rousing game of "Clue" followed by a round of the ever delicious "Milk Stout" from the Lefthand Brewery. I remember that game being a lot easier when I was a child, it took me a while to re-grasp the concept, but I rather enjoyed it and look forward to it again.

For our next game Catherine felt the need to pull out this rather frustrating one called Phase 10. It's a card game and I highly recommend it. It was frustrating playing it at first (especially with two well seasoned and uber competitive veterans), But I got the hang of it soon enough and the game heated up. ... let me take this moment to say Catherine and Maria are two of the most competitive board game players I have ever met, they put a lot of effort into strategizing...and then later even more into gloating.

I home cooked stew for the occasion, it was alright for my first try, but it wasn't about the food, it was about the fun. I enjoyed Family Home Evening, and look forward to having one again soon.

The Last Supper

Fat Tuesday 2010

This is me bingeing on my favorite Denver meal (gyros and crispy fries) at Pete's Kitchen on Colfax. This is the last time I will be dining out for the next 40 days. I love eating here, it's comfort food. That's why I'm giving it up for lent. I've become dependent on foods like this in way too many ways, and it's just become too easy. I can't wait to reconstruct my life over the next few weeks to see in which ways my social, financial and comfort habits will change. As for the spiritual practice aspect... lets just give that a few days as I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for.

Goodbye Yellow Brick ... I Mean Golden Arches

As many of you know I've been trying to figure what to give up for lent this year. In her frustration, Maria has been campaigning for me to give up the phrases: "Your mom" and "That's what she said." I really didn't want to give those up because I find them funny and I use them constantly. On the other hand, it would have been a challenge which would've required a lot of effort and awareness on my part. But this morning the decision was made for me.

On our way to snowshoe Brainard lake, we decided to save time and grab breakfast from the Mc Donald's on Colfax ave. @ Krameria, not far from my house. We ordered quickly and pulled around to the first window. I pulled up and rolled down my window, as I reached for my wallet to grab a card, the cashier leaned out the window looked me dead in the eye and said: "John Ashley! How are you doing today, man?" I froze, I hadn't even pulled my wallet out of my pocket yet. How did he know my name? The light bulb clicked on, he knows my name because of how often I hand him my card, which if he recognizes me, must be often. This is not a small town burger joint where you know people because you went to highschool with them or because they are your neighbor. Demver is a mid sized city and this kid probably serves hundreds if not thousands of people in a given week. And out of all those people I have become such a repeat customer that he knows who I am. Lame.

In the past there have been places where I wanted to be known by name. My favorite college bars (The Rhino, The Bodega) I worked hard to be known, after that no matter how crowded, I never had to wait to order or get a table. How awesome it was to walk right in the front door and be waved in as the rest of the people coming in had to stop and dig for their id's. or like when i was a 19 year old scenester and went to so many hardcore and screamo shows at Chain Reaction that they stopped charging me the cost of tickets and just let me in for free whenever I showed up.

hmm... One of these things is NOT like the others.

Those were awesome....

...this was NOT.

Getting recognized by the drive through cashier at your local Mc Donald's is not like being a well known member of a subculture or social scene.... what it means is that I eat at this restaurant and others like it too often. It means that even after giving up fast food for lent last year I have slipped back into my old habits and have become dependent on other people to do my cooking, and it's making me publicly known as the fat-ass i'm becoming.

Decision made.... I am going to use this period to re-evaluate my habits and to re define my idea of a "normal" diet. ...p;us, when that happened my girlfriend laughed at me ... for quite a while. Lets face it, i can be a sensitive guy and that was embarrassing, I'd rather not have it happen again.

For Lent I am giving up all fast food AND Dining out. I don't need someone to make my food all the time, how am i in such a hurry that this has become a requirement? It's not, and it's a bad use of money.

over and out.