Coffee or Beer? The Dilemma of My Day.

So I just woke up with the strangest question in my head. in the spirit of self assessment, which could I truly not live without? Coffee, or alcoholic beverages. to truly assess this I had to break it down and put it into perspective.

Coffee or gin? ...coffee.

Coffee or wine? as much as Wine makes me feel fancy at dinner in it's special glass ...coffee.

Coffee or a gooood micro brew, like Moose Drool, or Ye Olde Bongwater. ...coffee

For social settings. coffee or beer? Well, I have had some great conversations with friends over both, but only one has caused me to say something stupid or barf, and it was not coffee.

So I guess coffee wins hands down. and it makes my morning soooo much better.

Oh the Temptation. Get Behind Me Satan!

So some of my friends don't think I'm going to be able to make it through this whole lent thing. I do. though they respect me and what I'm trying to do, I'm afraid they could not help themselves. They have taken to texting me pictures of fast food from one of my favorite Missoula fast food joints, Taco Del Sol. It's amazing! Better than both Rubios, Wahoo's or Qdoba.

I know they think they are being funny right now, and lets face it, I'm more pissed I'm not the one sending the pictures and annoying them from 900 miles away. But it's actually reminding me that I havn't eaten anything yet today, which is doubley annoying.

But on a lighter note, me being occasionaly hungary and reminded of my lenten promise is starting to cause me to think of how much i consume as a person. I eat because I'm hungary, bored, "tipsy" or to keep something i cooked from going bad. But for me to assert control over this minute part of my life is actually causing me to re evaluate my behaviors of food consumption. The conclusion I have come to is that I consume a lot, and not because I need to, but because I can. When I do this, over time I lose track of what is and is not "normal" or "acceptable".

Now, I take this one step further, how much in my life am I consuming needlessly? Greedily? In the face of a nation wide economic crisis, I continue to consume. What the hell is wrong with this picture? Is it possible for me to go one week ore even one day without spending a single dollar? I used to do it all the time as an undergrad.

I'm not trying to beat myself up or be masochistic here. I'm just sharing some thoughts that have crossed my mind over the past few days. My bishop actually had some interesting words about lent for me today, about the fast being bracketed before and after by celebration and feast, but more on that as I have to ponder how that fits in to all of this.

Thank you all for your thoughts and kind words.

-Joh

Okay. This is Just Ridiculous Now.

Is it just me, or does it seem like the universe is trying to knock me off of my game?

So I went to my apartment where I used to live, to collect my mail and this is what I find. In the six months I lived there nothing was ever hung on my door handle or slipped under my door, but this? It's just humorous now...

Rumbly in the Tumbly.

I'm sitting in class right now, and I really want to hit Mc Donalds on my way home. :( but i'm not gonna cave, I'm going to go home and cook. Then study. Yay finals!

Lent. It's not what's left in your pocket at the end of the day.

So, I’m not usually a big fan of lent. I treat it like I treat new years resolutions. I usually break them within 24 hours of sobering up from the night before and realizing “It isn’t as easy as I thought it would be.” This has become such a pattern over the years, that I stopped making resolutions for both holidays about eight years ago.

However I feel different this year. I didn’t bother making a new years resolution because I knew I wouldn’t work out every day. But Lent, I’m actually taking this kind of seriously. It took me forever to decide what I was going to give up. It couldn’t be coffee (have you seen me in the morning?) and though giving up Facebook for Lent is a popular one this year, I can’t because Facebook Is my job.

I feel Kind of lame that I couldn’t give something up that is meaningful such as…. Driving, or Dating, or Facebook. I knew making a decision like this would only result in my usual pattern of sobering finding out how hard it is and giving up on my commitment.

This year I decided to actually make a commitment to something that I would be better off for in the long run and that wouldn’t be too difficult to keep. In other words. Committing to something I would keep by default, because I don’t do it that often, and won’t be more than a minor inconvenience.

I was having a beer and a doughnut with some friends from church last Tuesday (shrove/fat Tuesday) at the “Thin Man” bar on 17^th st.. when I finally decided what I was giving up. “FAST FOOD!” No Mc Donald’s, no Taco Bell, no Goodtimes, and nothing with a drive through window. This would be perfect. It would keep me from eating Junk-food and save me a small fortune over the next month. This was Perfect, and what a breeze to do. 40 days no problem!

I moved into a new house this week. All of my food as well as cooking utensils are packed away in unmarked boxes (because I am a genius and thought ahead L). Not. So here I am moving boxes and furniture within 24 hours of the beginning of lent, and I’m starving. Then I come to the realization that I can’t find my food, and if I could I can’t find anything to cook it in.

The first thought that crosses my mind, is there’s a Taco Bell a block away. Then, my conscience kicked in. “Really, within 24 hours again?” Hungry as I was, I opted just to drive off to work. So, I’m at the Conference office talking to Carissa and Peggy about how excited I am to go home for spring break. Peggy just laughed and chortled, this was a fine time for me to give up fast food Because my home in California is a block away from The greatest burger ever: In and Out. As she says this to me I realize the truth of her statement. I rarely go home, and when I do One of my greatest pleasures is living so close to an In and Out and popping through there after a day of surfing.

Now I’m really bumming out. Here I thought I picked something that would be easy to keep and already within 24 hours of making this decision I’m frantically looking for loopholes in my head. But, really I know that making this commitment, even if it is small or seemingly arbitrary has BECOME important to me. I don’t NEED fast food, I NEED to unpack and find my stuff. I have never fulfilled a Lenten promise, that’s pretty sad. I would like for once, to fully experience the Lenten season in the same way my friends and family do. I know there are many ways to make a commitment, but this is the one I have made, and I’m sticking to it. It’s been five days, and there’s not a day that has gone by where I haven’t thought, “oh it would be so convenient to just stop in to Goodtimes on my way to work.” I’m not doing this because I enjoy punishing myself, but because I really want to know what this like, and what it’s all about, instead of just writing it off in my head because it is an inconvenience.

So happy Lent-ing to everyone in whatever commitment you have made, may we stand by them all.

Peace.