Lent. It's not what's left in your pocket at the end of the day.

So, I’m not usually a big fan of lent. I treat it like I treat new years resolutions. I usually break them within 24 hours of sobering up from the night before and realizing “It isn’t as easy as I thought it would be.” This has become such a pattern over the years, that I stopped making resolutions for both holidays about eight years ago.

However I feel different this year. I didn’t bother making a new years resolution because I knew I wouldn’t work out every day. But Lent, I’m actually taking this kind of seriously. It took me forever to decide what I was going to give up. It couldn’t be coffee (have you seen me in the morning?) and though giving up Facebook for Lent is a popular one this year, I can’t because Facebook Is my job.

I feel Kind of lame that I couldn’t give something up that is meaningful such as…. Driving, or Dating, or Facebook. I knew making a decision like this would only result in my usual pattern of sobering finding out how hard it is and giving up on my commitment.

This year I decided to actually make a commitment to something that I would be better off for in the long run and that wouldn’t be too difficult to keep. In other words. Committing to something I would keep by default, because I don’t do it that often, and won’t be more than a minor inconvenience.

I was having a beer and a doughnut with some friends from church last Tuesday (shrove/fat Tuesday) at the “Thin Man” bar on 17^th st.. when I finally decided what I was giving up. “FAST FOOD!” No Mc Donald’s, no Taco Bell, no Goodtimes, and nothing with a drive through window. This would be perfect. It would keep me from eating Junk-food and save me a small fortune over the next month. This was Perfect, and what a breeze to do. 40 days no problem!

I moved into a new house this week. All of my food as well as cooking utensils are packed away in unmarked boxes (because I am a genius and thought ahead L). Not. So here I am moving boxes and furniture within 24 hours of the beginning of lent, and I’m starving. Then I come to the realization that I can’t find my food, and if I could I can’t find anything to cook it in.

The first thought that crosses my mind, is there’s a Taco Bell a block away. Then, my conscience kicked in. “Really, within 24 hours again?” Hungry as I was, I opted just to drive off to work. So, I’m at the Conference office talking to Carissa and Peggy about how excited I am to go home for spring break. Peggy just laughed and chortled, this was a fine time for me to give up fast food Because my home in California is a block away from The greatest burger ever: In and Out. As she says this to me I realize the truth of her statement. I rarely go home, and when I do One of my greatest pleasures is living so close to an In and Out and popping through there after a day of surfing.

Now I’m really bumming out. Here I thought I picked something that would be easy to keep and already within 24 hours of making this decision I’m frantically looking for loopholes in my head. But, really I know that making this commitment, even if it is small or seemingly arbitrary has BECOME important to me. I don’t NEED fast food, I NEED to unpack and find my stuff. I have never fulfilled a Lenten promise, that’s pretty sad. I would like for once, to fully experience the Lenten season in the same way my friends and family do. I know there are many ways to make a commitment, but this is the one I have made, and I’m sticking to it. It’s been five days, and there’s not a day that has gone by where I haven’t thought, “oh it would be so convenient to just stop in to Goodtimes on my way to work.” I’m not doing this because I enjoy punishing myself, but because I really want to know what this like, and what it’s all about, instead of just writing it off in my head because it is an inconvenience.

So happy Lent-ing to everyone in whatever commitment you have made, may we stand by them all.

Peace.